The idea of success is, in itself, man-made. A social construct. A set of rules shaped by your culture, your socio-economic background, your friends and family, past teachers, social media gurus, the people you look up to, films from your childhood still sitting in the back of your mind […] how you want others to see you, and how you want to see yourself.

I like to think that, despite all the ideals of success imposed on us by others and ultimately accepted by ourselves, these ideals are just that. Ideals.
Success is like the horizon: you can see it from afar, but are you actually seeing it? Once you move away, once you change direction, it seems to stay the same distance away.
It's an ideal that can frustrate us or inspire us, like the stars that once ignited enough motivation in some to reach for them and thus become astronauts or Hollywood actors.

Either way, this article is about coming to terms with the idea of success, from a former perfectionist who's now at peace with imperfection. I hope it frees you from your own imagined rules about how you should perform, work, or what you should attain in order to be "successful."

Step 1: Define what success means in your own terms.

This is the most important step and our foundation, so take as much time as needed.

First, grab a piece of paper and write down what you think success is, according to you. Imagine nobody's opinion matters, because it truly doesn't, and only your own contentment and satisfaction count.

Done? No? Okay, take five more minutes.

Step 2: Say it out loud.

Yes, do it.
It's weird, right? But it's important that your whole body feels it, that you let it sink into your idea of success. You're rewiring old programming around this topic. Make space for the new.

Step 3: Go within.

Now let's understand the intention behind your ideal of success.
What are you actually looking for, beyond success itself? Say you're already successful right now; something happened, and your industry, your peers, your family and friends are cheering you on. What happened, exactly? How do you feel about it?

Describe it.

Notice I'm not asking: did you win a prize? Did you close an important client? Did you become a millionaire? Are people saying your name?

I'm asking: how do you feel?
What's the feeling that tells you you're successful, that you've "made it"?

That feeling is our compass. It's what turns our attention into intention. You're probably -subconsciously - looking for external validation, to be understood, to be loved, to feel like you belong, to get other people's attention, to feel seen. Or some mix of all of the above.

So let's go back. When you wrote down what success meant to you, you were probably implying one or more of those things.
Is success really just a stand-in for the feeling of finally being free from the pressure of belong?

Think about it.

Step 4: Go with intention.

Now that you've gathered some valuable insight about yourself, second-guess your thoughts, since you are not them. If you don't like what you're thinking, or where this exercise is going, free yourself from the fixation and choose new thoughts that bring you closer to your ideal.
We do that by leading with intention.

Instead of asking "what do I want from others?", ask yourself: "what do I want from the journey itself?"
Forget the destination (being successful). Focus on the intention you want to nurture along the way.

An intention behind this exercise could be:
Whether or not I ever am, have been, or will be successful, I'm looking for a peaceful, creative ride, filled with collaboration and devotion to my work, in hopes of making this a safer, more creative, fairer and more beautiful world.

Step 5: Take action.

Your intention is now the base of the pyramid. It's the baseline from which you'll operate.
The decisions you make, the choices you don't make, the things you say yes to and the things you say no to, all of it will be shaped by the intention you defined on your own terms, free from what society at large is trying to impose on you.

Step 6: Build again.

Taking action is how you honor your intention. It removes the fear of failing, because there's no longer a fixed ideal to attain.
You're devoting yourself to a higher vision of how you want to move through the world: both in work and in life.
Your intention is now your compass. Let it direct you. Build relationships, build empires, build things that matter, in alignment with your intention, and watch your world start to change.

Close the gap

There will always be a version of success other people expect you to chase, every industry has with its own quiet checklist of who's "made it." But the horizon was never the destination. The ones who feel free are the ones who stopped chasing it and started building their own, even when it looks messier, moves slower, or takes longer to explain.

The compass isn't going anywhere. It's stable, always pointing at I (intention). But it helps to check in now and then, adjust the sail, and let A (action) carry you into your next chapter.